Letting Go and Letting God

Have you ever experienced a time where God was tugging and tugging on your heart and it totally caught you by surprise? And you faught it because you were scared? Well this is my current state of living. Recently, God has pushed something on my heart and I was totally scare about it. What if this is my doing Lord? What if I push faster than You want this to move? Lord I'm scared. Scared to really let you have this much control. Don't get me wrong, I WANT God to have total and complete control of my life. I would love to say that I always let God in control, but we would all know that's not true.

So I was really fighting God these last few weeks and this weekend and like typical me- thought I'd strike a deal with Him. Seems like in desperate times when I already know the answer, I debate with God. So this was one of those times.

"God, if You truly want this to happen, then tonight show me this and let this happen." So the evening went on and I was anxiously waiting for God to show what I asked for. I waited. And waited. And waited. Then Satan came and I started to doubt.

"Maybe this was all me. Maybe I was wanting to hear God talk to me so badly that I 'made-up' this voice inside." Does this sound familiar to anyone? Or am I the only one that doubts so easily? I was coming to grips with it and then BAM! Hello God! And the best, most awesome and peaceful part, as God showed me the 'signs' I was looking for, I heard a still, small voice saying, "Chelsea, did you really doubt Me? Don't you have faith in Me? Don't worry, I'm in control here. This is all Me."

Wow! Totally blown away by my great God once again. Not only did He show me these little signs I asked for, but He gave me more forms of confirmation. Boy, I love my God and I am so glad He doesn't give up on me as quickly as I doubt sometimes.

So now I'm waiting. Waiting to see where God leads this plan of His. Patiently waiting? Umm... well let's say that's a work in process. I'm learning. Learning to trust in Him and follow what He says. I definitely know I need to spend more time in His Word and prayer because that's where He is waiting with more of His glorious plan for me.