You Know That Feeling...

You know that feeling when you can actually feel God on your heart? For me, it's like a heavy weight gushing with love. My chest feels like it's sinking under all the love He is pressing, or pushing on me.Everything around me seems to fade away into darkness for a split second and the onely light I see is the One with my heart. Well, this is how it was tonight at church. Let me explain this to ya'.

I am an emotional person...when it comes to certain things. A romance movie: give me a box of kleenex. An animal dies: kleenex. I see someone else cry: cue me as well. Titanic: that's a given (So is P.S. I Love You) Liss, I'm sure you are rolling your eyes right now :) Songs: not so much. I never get emotional when signing a song, but will occasionally cry if the song is super, super sad and I put my self in the 'character's' place. Well wouldn't you know tonight at church, I got super teary eyed singing a hymn. We've song this hymn so many times and I never really think about what it is truly saying:

Near The Cross

Jesus, keep me near the cross

There a precious fountain

Free to all- A healing stream

Flows from Calvary's mountain

In the cross, In the cross

Be my glory ever

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river

Near the cross, a trembling soul

Love and mercy found me

There the Bright and Morning Star

Sheds its beams around me

In the cross, In the cross

Be my glory ever

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river

Near the cross! O Lamb of God

Bring its scenes before me

Help me walk from day to day

With its shadows o'er me

In the cross, In the cross

Be my glory ever

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river

Lord- be my glory ever! In the cross, there's sweet comfort and love! Something just grabbed at my soul tonight while signing this. I realized that all my wants and desires do not even compare to the want my Savior needs from me. The Cross is my want, my everything. That's what I need to get through life. It's my fuel when I am tired, my strength when I am weary, the love when I am lonely, and the light in my darkness. When the second minister stood up to finish tonight, he made such a good point. "In life, we prize our most precious materials on how long they will last and how expensive they are. But our prize is eternal. It is the most expensive, too. Nothing can last longer than heaven. Nothing can cost more than the blood of Jesus on the Cross. And the best thing- we didn't even have to pay for our eternity in heaven. Christ paid it all! Not you, not me, but Christ!" Wow! How powerful of a message! Isn't that true? Don't we judge the worth of something by how long it will last or how much it cost us? I do. But have faith knowing that if you have found Christ and accepted Him and live your day, not just going through the motions, but actually live each day for Him, you have been given the most expensive and longest lasting gift. If you haven't accepted Christ as your Saviour, it's never too late. He wants to share all of this with you. You are worthy. He died for you. There is nothing better than waking up each morning and going to bed each night knowing that you are loved by a merciful God.

So Many Reasons...

There are so many reasons to be thankful today.  A house, warmth, food, clothes, a car, etc. But I'm so thankful for many other things. You see, one year ago today, I was fighting hard with God. I was yelling at Him. I was hurt and blamed all that hurt on Him. I was lost and confused and did NOT want to see the reason behind it all. But yet, God loved me through it. He could have wiped His hands of me and let me sit in a pit of self pity. But He didn't. Nor would He have. He picked me up, wiped the tears out of my eyes, and told me He loved me over and over again. I was still kicking Him in pain, even as I heard His voice explaining to me the reason why my world was turned upside down.

Looking back, I can clearly see God was working these months in advance. I know I saw this coming, but decided to ignore it. I let myself get in control inside of God. The funny thing is, if you can call it funny, the whole reason behind all of this was a simple lesson. All God was telling me to do was TRUST HIM. Seriously? That's why You got my attention? Like this no less? I felt about this small  . I had to choke down a lot of pride and my poor family and friends had so see me suffer through this learning process.

I'm not upset or angry.  But I would not change anything that happened, either. I can firmly say that I know God put all this in motion. I wasn't going crazy when I thought God had put all that stuff on my heart and was leading me in that direction. And now, God has helped me become such a stronger Christian and woman after His heart.

All day today I was thinking about what happened one year ago today. There was no pain, no anger, just a very thankful heart for where God has led me. I am now so excited to see where He is leading me because it will be better than I could have ever imagined. I brought this whole thing up today to mom and she said she was thinking about it too, but did not want to say anything in front of me. I'm so thankful we had a few uninterrupted minutes where we could talk and I could tell her how thankful I am for how God worked during this last year.

So thank you Lord, for teaching me such a simple lesson in a big and very hard way. I don't think there would have been a better way to get my attention than like You did. You are my Prince of Peace, my Comforter, my Rock and High Tower. So Lord, today I am thankful for what You did in my  life one year ago today.

Letting Go and Letting God

Have you ever experienced a time where God was tugging and tugging on your heart and it totally caught you by surprise? And you faught it because you were scared? Well this is my current state of living. Recently, God has pushed something on my heart and I was totally scare about it. What if this is my doing Lord? What if I push faster than You want this to move? Lord I'm scared. Scared to really let you have this much control. Don't get me wrong, I WANT God to have total and complete control of my life. I would love to say that I always let God in control, but we would all know that's not true.

So I was really fighting God these last few weeks and this weekend and like typical me- thought I'd strike a deal with Him. Seems like in desperate times when I already know the answer, I debate with God. So this was one of those times.

"God, if You truly want this to happen, then tonight show me this and let this happen." So the evening went on and I was anxiously waiting for God to show what I asked for. I waited. And waited. And waited. Then Satan came and I started to doubt.

"Maybe this was all me. Maybe I was wanting to hear God talk to me so badly that I 'made-up' this voice inside." Does this sound familiar to anyone? Or am I the only one that doubts so easily? I was coming to grips with it and then BAM! Hello God! And the best, most awesome and peaceful part, as God showed me the 'signs' I was looking for, I heard a still, small voice saying, "Chelsea, did you really doubt Me? Don't you have faith in Me? Don't worry, I'm in control here. This is all Me."

Wow! Totally blown away by my great God once again. Not only did He show me these little signs I asked for, but He gave me more forms of confirmation. Boy, I love my God and I am so glad He doesn't give up on me as quickly as I doubt sometimes.

So now I'm waiting. Waiting to see where God leads this plan of His. Patiently waiting? Umm... well let's say that's a work in process. I'm learning. Learning to trust in Him and follow what He says. I definitely know I need to spend more time in His Word and prayer because that's where He is waiting with more of His glorious plan for me.

A Little Bit of Everything...

So let's just admit something... I'm terrible at blogging. I tell myself all the time, "Chelsea- don't you remember you have a blog? Oh, you do? Then BLOG!" Well it never happens. Life is just too hectic. For some reason, I thought before I started the blog that I would have sooo much time for it. Ha! I should have know better :)

So life right now is getting really interesting. I'm currently doing my Administrative Externship for my Medical Assisting program at a local community health network. This place is awesome! I absolutely love it. They do visiting nurses, private duty care, home health, hospice, inpatient hospice, adult day care, and something that is my favorite... the Angel Foundation. The Angel Foundation grants wishes to terminally ill adults. So it's like Make-A-Wish for adults. I love it and have even witnesses a wish being granted. Check it out at: www.TheAngelFoundation.net . It's one of the few in the country and the only one in the state of Ohio.

So I have my externship, papers galore due for school, the realization that the semester is quickly coming to an end and a ton of weddings coming up! I believe there are 4 weddings in a matter of 5 weeks.

In other noteworthy news, I took some more senior pictures two weeks ago. We are splitting B's sessions up into the fall and spring. Here's a few to wet your whistle:

"B" is such a beautiful young lady!

I just love the VW library. I was so excited

when we decided to take some pictures there.

This spot was totally by chance. We planned on

taking pictures on the other side of the fence,

but found this slice of heaven instead...

Gorgeous!

I think this is a keeper :)

Umm.. delicious anyone? Definitely my

All-Time favorite

It also helps when your client has an

amazing yard with awesome lighting

streaming through the trees.

Thanks "B" for letting my take your senior pictures! I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and I really am looking forward to the spring so we can take pictures again. Oh- did I mention this gal is a very talented artist? No? Well she is and we have a very creative plan in store for the spring session with some of her oil drawings. I'm excited! :)

So this lucky lady gets to spend THREE WEEKENDS in a row with her best friend! Can you tell that I'm excited? I just hope she doesn't get sick of me... not that I think that can really happen. I'm telling you, I'd be lost without Liss sometimes. I'm so thankful for such a good, Christian, caring, open friend!

Boy- I feel like I just ramble the most random things off here. Well, if you made it this far- I'll leave you with a little thought. In my daily devotional today, it penned the thought of in everything you do, think on God. It said, when life gets boring during the day, fill it with prayers and praise. Angry at someone? Don't dwell on them, but on Him. Let Him be the one that consumes your thoughts and feelings. Having a bad day? Reflect on all the good things He has done for you. Rejoice in His love and remember the Sacrifice on Calvary. Lay it all on the alter! It's so good to hear, but so hard to live. I definitely struggle with this. Lord- may my day be filled with praise for You. May my mind wander to Your glory and Love. Lord, help me to break the chains of bondage and fully give myself to You. You are my heart's desire. I so want that Heavenly reward! I ache to be Home with you and away from the worldly desires and temptations. Mold me. Shape me. Lead me.